i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
