She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
