You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
