I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
