so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
