Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
