this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
