3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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