I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
