did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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