Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
