he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
