This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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