she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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