dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You smell like stripper and shame
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
