walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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