Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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