I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
