and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
