I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
