Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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