watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
