I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
