i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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