1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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