just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Terrible idea I love it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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