Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
