you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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