I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
