WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
