I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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