brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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