is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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