i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
