i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
this is an emotional support booty call
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
