Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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