"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
