she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
