It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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