How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
