This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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