I will die if light touches me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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