My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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