did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
