could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
