They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
