So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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