So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
