I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
