I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
