if only i could text you this smell
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she peed on how many people?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
