I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were trust falling into bushes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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