I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
