This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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